The common ape

“The problem with the Common Ape”, Professor Johnson said, tapping his teeth with his elephant tusk pipe, “he never gets a round in, blighter is always in the toilet – or has left his wallet at home”.

Simsun, the native guide, looked around the empty hut – unsure of how to answer his old friend – “What are you smoking in that pipe?  Did you nick my stash again?”